OT: You're the new owner of the Oilers...

Discussion in 'Edmonton Oilers' started by OilerSuperstar17, Feb 16, 2018.

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  1. McShogun99

    McShogun99 Registered User

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    What if after all this time we found out that there was a Joey Moss curse placed on the Oiler's for Gretzky leaving his sister for Janet....
     
  2. MisterD

    MisterD 5-14-6-1

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    I would re-hire Chia, and then read HFboards with a bag popcorn in my hand.
     
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  3. PassittoLetestu

    PassittoLetestu Registered User

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    I would hire an expert programmer to design drafting, scouting and trading recommendations based on AI.

    If that does not work i will just use Eastside hockey manager to make my decisions. Hey i won the cup my 5th season in and 3 division titles along the way, i think i am qualified. While the software is busy plotting my next strategy i will take lots of scouting trips to Hawaii, Mexico, and the Bahamas, it will take about a good 4 or 5 months of scouting. My assistant GM will do all the paper work and boring stuff.
     
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  4. BoldNewLettuce

    BoldNewLettuce Esquire

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    I'd give Lowe, and MacT a big fairwell party. Have Alumni events during the holiday break only.....maybe during playoffs if things are going well.....and in those cases include Ryan Smith, Ales Hemsky Jason Smith, Khabibulin, Nail Yakupov etc. not just the obc.



    Keep Chiarelli. Hire people who have the time and effort required to put together a program that is on par with the best in the world. There is no skill involved. Give Lucic 1000$ every time he obliterates someone. Same for Nurse. Same for Kassian.

    Move Bakersfield Condors to Regina.

    Hire someone to keep a record of every single call and put together a harassment claim.

    Hire spies. ....and ninjas.

    Buy a motorbike and start smoking cigars.

    Make sure you refer to Bettman as "that *******" when speaking the the media.

    Personally punch Jeremy Jacobs in his old old face.

    Start a twitter account where I hang out with Demar DeRozan and talk about basketball all the time.

    etc.
     
  5. bone

    bone 5-14-6-1

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    Never thought of that before but that is what this team has been missing all these years. Kickass Ninjas!
     
  6. McCanovin

    McCanovin 1% is the new 11.5%

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    Ask me again in 5 years when I'm a Bitcoin trillionaire
     
  7. MoneyGuy

    MoneyGuy Wandering

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    Yeah, that'll never happen. If you don't already own Bitcoin then that boat has sailed and you'd be more likely to lose whatever you put in now.
     
  8. rboomercat90

    rboomercat90 Registered User

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    No you can’t. They come with the team.
     
  9. rboomercat90

    rboomercat90 Registered User

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    Who are you? You described the Red Wine Summit back in February.
     
  10. Panthera

    Panthera Registered User

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    I fire everyone and replace them with a management team consisting entirely of cats. General Manager Fluffy will fix our problems on the wings, while head coach Purrball will make sure the defense is ready for next season. President of Hockey Operations Mr. Snuggles will cut season ticket prices slightly, while our brand new sports therapy division led by Dr. Meowser will ensure our players are always well rested and mentally prepared for each game.

    I see us winning the Cup at least six times before the Flames learn to exploit our weaknesses and distract us with a laser pointer.
     
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  11. rboomercat90

    rboomercat90 Registered User

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    It may take people from Calgary six years to figure this out but the rest of the league will catch on quick.
     
  12. DrDrai

    DrDrai Registered User

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    Every member of the OBC would never get within a 5km radius of the building or offices. All staff would be vetted for any relation to the OBC.
     
  13. I am the Liquor

    I am the Liquor 1 in the surf, 2 in the turf...

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    I would fire Chia and Nicholson and replace them with Mact and Lowe just to **** with you guys.

    I would fire McLellan and replace him with Eakins.
     
  14. Perfect_Drug

    Perfect_Drug Registered User

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    I'd just remove the OBC.

    Then I would heavily invest 1000x more money at a new dept of scouts/programmers/software engineers, data analysts, and economists.

    I would get a shift by shift, frame by frame analysis of EVERY player at every relevant level of hockey recording every possible conceivable metric recoreded and parsed by AI right down to the tiniest possible details of every player, and how they play with and against any other player in and against respective coaching system.
    - Acceleration of a player at a time of game.
    - Top Speed at the end of a shift
    - Velocity of every shot in every conceivable context.
    - Reaction times in every conceivable context.
    - Accurate measurements for Release times, accuracy of passing, and shooting, deflecting....
    .. charting every players game by game progression over several years.

    (going over all the archival footage of every current player)


    These economists/Data Analysts would find every possible combination of optimization to find the best possible combination to figure out everything about everyone at every level.
    - Psychological Profiles
    - Genetic history
    - Training regiment, diet.
    - Track every conceivable development curve.

    I would gather so much data on every hockey player that would make the NSA/Facebook/ and Google embarassed.
    Terrabytes of data per player.


    Then I would start using all of this mountain of analytical data parsed with extensive AI, for amateur and pro scouting. Would use all of this information for coaching, personnel, and training regiment, contract negotiations, etc.

    I would invest so much into the creation of this software and analysis, then I would use it to Moneyball the **** out of this league.
     
  15. Hynh

    Hynh Registered User

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    I would remove the OBC in the most petty way possible. I wouldn't fire them, I'd make them hate me so they **** off on their own. Unretire their jerseys, ban fans from wearing their nameplates. I'd go Stalin on them and edit all team photos to remove them.
     
  16. MoneyGuy

    MoneyGuy Wandering

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    Well, that's a new Lowe, lol.
     
  17. TheRebuild

    TheRebuild Bold as Boognish

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    Honestly, I would keep Lowe and MacT on staff and pay them to sit in a giant dunking tank where people could pay a buck to throw a ball at a target that would drop them into a vat of icey water, and every time it did it would play one of their asinine sound bytes.

    *BUZZ* “We have two types of fans...” SPLASH.
     
  18. A91

    A91 Oilers + Real Madrid

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    Personally, I would win the mother****ing Stanley cup.
    Have a 10 day long parade in Edmonton then 1 day in Calgary for the lols
     
  19. MoneyGuy

    MoneyGuy Wandering

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    Yeah, I'd date a supermodel and learn to fly by flapping my arms. Like you I have no idea how but I'd do it.
     
  20. A91

    A91 Oilers + Real Madrid

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    Precisely.
    We would make excellent co-owners imho
     
  21. The Panther

    The Panther Registered User

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    I think there's a lot of over-reaction here.

    Next season will obviously tell the tale, but at this point I'm not overly concerned about the team. They're a season removed from a 2nd-place finish and a nice playoff run. I enjoyed them this season. McDavid is incredible and there are a lot of interesting players I look forward to following more.

    Someone said: fire everyone, hope McDavid doesn't leave, and wait 5-6 years. Uh... what? Look, the team is 83-66-15 in the past two seasons. They're not actually that bad. They're stacked at the most important position -- center -- and are starting to develop a nice D-core, assuming everyone is healthy to start next season. They have the most exciting player in the world. The goaltender has had one bad season -- last year -- and is, all things considered, likely to bounce back to standard level next season. Players like Khaira, Nurse, and Bear have been developed very well.

    People have also over-reacted to trades made, though certainly some have been poor. The obvious one -- the removal of Taylor Hall -- is always being quoted as "Hall for Larsson", which it wasn't. The trade was more accurately Hall for Larsson and winger (Lucic). Now, with Lucic having come off a horrendous season and Hall having his one truly great season, it looks bad in the here and now. But let's say, as is very likely, that Larsson bounces back to full health and performance next year. Then, let's say Lucic (who after all is only 29) bounces back to a solid 50-point season again. The trade is not so bad, and is in fact probably about even in simple player value, at that point. Strome and Eberle is similar, in that it's really Eberle for Strome plus freed-up cap space. (I like Strome, by the way, who is versatile and hustles out there.)

    There's a lot of negativity around the team from the fanbase, and understandably so after a disappointing season, but I don't think firing everyone and starting from scratch is the solution. I also don't think the "old boys' club", per se, is a problem in itself. I mean, Montreal won about 18 Stanley Cups in 25 years or something with an "old boys' club" organization. Hiring ex-players is not necessarily a bad thing, and certainly serves to establish links for fans with the past and the present, which is good. The issue with the Oilers is that they don't seem to hire the right people at the right time, or they fail to establish the roles of people hired. Okay, they can fire Lowe, MacTavish (outstanding coach, btw), Gretzky, and Coffey tomorrow... and what? The team's suddenly going to be great overnight because some ex-players who have little to do with today's roster are gone? Doesn't work like that.

    I personally think -- applying Occam's razor to the situation -- that the fundamental problem with the franchise over the past 15 years or whatever is Daryl Katz. At some point, when all coaches and managers, consecutively, for many years in a row, fail, you then have to go to the very top to find the one consistency that has been present throughout. It's him.

    In that sense, I'm not optimistic because, let's face it, Katz isn't going anywhere anytime soon. But as far as the personnel on the team, I don't see any reason to foresee gloom & doom and to throw in the towel.
     
  22. BudBundy

    BudBundy Registered User

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    1). Id fire Chiarelli. Any of the Reinhart, Hall deals or the Lucic contract should be firing offences. He’s had three plus a track record of same in Boston. Gtfo.

    2). Hire Paul Fenton. Good eye for talent, learned under Poile.

    3). At very least fire assistant coaches and if TMac doesnt have some real good answers about why he is so stubborn he can go too. If the Caps let Barry Trotz go, he and Fenton know each other and should work well.

    4). Try and stay the hell out of the way and dont do anything to embarrass the team. Are you listening Daryl?
     
  23. BudBundy

    BudBundy Registered User

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    Chia has squandered trade assets/picks and handcuffed the team with so many poor contracts that an Oilers Cup winning roster is now probably forever out if reach barring a series of draft day miracles. The clown is still there, and now he is desperate. If you think thats all fine and dandy, you are allowed your opinion.
     
  24. lakai17

    lakai17 Registered User

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    I'd get a new coach asap as a few gm's are in the market in reality(look around). We are going to lose out and that concerns me.
     
  25. Hynh

    Hynh Registered User

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    That's what I thought about the Penguins in the spring of 2015. Out in 5 games as the second wild card, Crosby and Malkin looking very human, a GM that just led Carolina halfway into the desert and a draft history that seemed to have no hope of providing the solution.

    Of course it won't happen for the Oilers because of the management "structure" is worse than the D "structure" most nights.
     

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